Myself as a Communicator

This week I evaluated my communication skills.  I also had two others evaluate me; a close friend and one of my students.  My self-evaluation did not surprise me at all.  I am a people-oriented listener; I'm considerate of other's feelings and often allow such empathy to cloud my judgement.  I display moderate verbal aggression; I do not particularly enjoy confrontation, but will try to pursuade others with the facts instead of attacking their character.  I don't experience a great deal of anxiety when communicating; I enjoy speaking in public and teaching, and can debate confidently when I'm comfortable with the information. 

The fact that my close friend's evaluations of me were nearly identical to my own was comforting.  I am happy that the way I perceive myself is the same way in which I project my communication skills on others.  However, my student's evaluation had one result that truly surprised me.  Instead of being seen as a people-oriented listener, he felt that I am time-oriented.  He told me that I often get caught up with all of the demands of my students and have limited time and attention.  This surprised me because I try so hard to make myself available for my students; for academic assistance and counseling.

I now realize that others view our communications differently in various settings.  When I am in my classroom, I am responsible for twenty-five 16-25 year old students, many of which fight me as their teacher and authority figure.  In addition, I have mountains of paperwork and many different co-workers to interact with, and who call my room throughout the day.  I'm always so busy that I sometimes forget what I'm actually there for.  I never thought that I'd neglected my student's needs.  As a professional, in any educational setting, it is necessary that we make our students and their families feel important and that our time belongs to them.  I'm so happy that my student was honest and helped me gain this insight into my communication skils.  I hope it will assist me in becoming a more effective communicator in both my personal and professional life.

Another insight I have gained is that I don't need to be more verbally aggressive.  I've often been told that I'm "too nice" to people, and therefore I get walked all over.  Friends, professional peers, family members, and students have told me that I need to be more assertive.  However, according to the evaluations, I have a good balance in verbal aggression; I need to be less trusting of those I communicate with.  I feel that this will affect my life, both personal and professional, in a positive way.  It would be beneficial to listen more objectively, rather than to trust whole-heartedly.  I plan to share these evaluations with others in my life.  I feel that it's important to understand how we are perceived as communicators in order to become more effective. 

References:

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

• “Communication Anxiety Inventory”
• “Verbal Aggressiveness Scale”

Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures II: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

• “Listening Styles Profile-16

Communicating Differently

People communicate differently in various settings and with diverse groups of people.  We don’t communicate the same at work as we do when we’re with our friends.  In addition, we don’t speak with our family the same way we would with someone we are intimate with.  Speaking with families and children requires another dialogue in order to have effective communication.  At the end of the day, I believe that we will communicate in a multitude of ways depending on circumstance, surroundings, and the people we are interacting with.  Effectively communicating with diverse populations of people can be difficult.

When thinking about this assignment, I tried to be hyperaware of how I was communicating with different groups of individuals throughout my day.  Working at a vocational facility funded by the federal government allots me many opportunities to be involved in professional conversations.  When speaking with other professionals, it is important to let them get to know me through self-presentation; “intentional communication designed to show elements of self for strategic purposes,” (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2009).  When speaking with those who are directors and managers at work, I feel that it is necessary to present myself in a certain way.  By managing my identity through self-presentation, I am allowing those in power to view me in one way; a professional teacher with a great deal of education and ability.  I would not speak with my colleagues and superiors in the same way that I speak with my friends, family, or even my students.  There are many factors that make me culturally diverse in comparison with my colleagues.  The majority are male and Republican; I am a female and a liberal Democrat.  In addition, there is a great socioeconomic gap between my employers and me.  I always find that when interacting with people who have a great deal more money than I, I try to overcompensate by using professional vocabulary, sitting properly, making sure that my physical presentation is perfect, and speaking much softer than normal. 

The one way in which I communicate with my employers that is particularly concerning for me, is I tend to agree with everything they say and have a very hard time voicing my own opinion.  I believe that this is due to many factors; they are men, they have a lot more money than I do, they have power over me, they have higher education than I, and they are my elders.  All of these factors make it difficult for me to find my voice when it comes to speaking about student situations or things about our center that make me unhappy.  I believe that a great deal of my hesitancy comes from my perception of them, as well as my perception of self and how I fit into our school community.  “To assist with the generation of responses to the environment is one function of perceptual selectivity, but moreover perceptions of ourselves and others are a valuable tool in deriving predictions that can be personal, cultural and social (Miller and Steinberg, 1975). Personal predictions are based on specific role relationships with a particular individual and require knowledge of the individual’s characteristics.”  (Vuckovic, 2008) 

To help myself become a more effective communicator in this aspect, I should be careful with stereotyping the men that I work with and using my schemas against them.  Just because they are men, does not mean that they do not value my opinion, and aren’t eager to listen to me, or that they will disappoint me as other men in power have in past work environments.  In addition, I feel that developing more self-esteem as an educator would be beneficial to the professional conversations I have at work.  I often find myself comparing my success to that of others and therefore feeling inferior to those around me.  I need to be proud of my own accomplishments and abilities as an educator in order to effectively communicate with my colleagues on professional topics.

When speaking with my students, who are predominantly African American and have grown up in communities that revolve around violence and do not promote education, I find myself speaking in a condescending tone.  Often, this is out of frustration and a microaggression; although it may be offensive, it is not my intention to hurt my student’s feelings.  For example, today, one of my students was refusing to complete his assignments and told me, “I been done that already.”  My response was, “Sounds like you better been do that already again.”  I am not proud of my retaliatory statement to my student, but after twenty minutes of fighting him to complete an assignment, (that he did NOT do), I had reached the point of being overwhelmed. 

To improve my communication with my students, (who tend to speak improper English the majority of the time), I need to remember why I am in my classroom.  As a Reading teacher, improper grammar frustrates me, but it is important that I remember that my students are from an entirely different culture than I do.  We are different races and have grown up in vastly different worlds.  Where my grammar has been corrected since I began speaking, their parents may not have done so, or may have spoken using improper grammar also.  “To communicate effectively and appropriately in today’s world, you must possess an understanding of and appreciation for people who perceive differently than you do.  It’s also important to understand the way your own unique background affects your perceptions,” (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2009).  If I am able to understand that my unique background has affected the way in which I perceive my students and their dialogue, as well as acknowledge and validate that they are from a very different place, I will be able to be more empathic and a more effective communicator.  Although my students retaliate verbally amongst one another, I should be setting the example that this is not an acceptable way to communicate in the workplace, and my comment today did not display that. 

 In conclusion, I feel that there are many routes to take in order to improve my communication skills when speaking with those who are culturally “different” than me.  I need to be aware of my own background and how it may affect my perceptions of others and their communications.  In order to communicate effectively, it is important to be secure in myself and how I present myself to others.  As a professional, I should be confident in my abilities while remaining open to suggestion.  Lastly, I believe that it’s important to be able to read the environment within which you are communicating.  Being aware of our surroundings will aide us in developing dialogue that coincides with the environment and tone of the setting and people around us. 

References:

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real Communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Nonverbal Communications: The New Girl

Nonverbal communication skills are important in every conversation.  Being able to read those cues is important, however, this exercise has shown me that it’s difficult to interpret exact relationships and dialogue from nonverbal communication alone. 

I chose to watch The New Girl.  One of the first scenes is of a man and woman in a bathroom together.  The woman begins to look uncomfortable as two more men and a woman enter the bathroom and are all conversing with the man.  She ends up quickly leaving the bathroom.  I assumed that she left because she was uncomfortable with the crowd.

After watching it with the sound on, I was proven correct.  This woman, Julia, was an overnight guest of one of the men and was uncomfortable with the overpopulated bathroom.  All of the characters that entered were speaking very candidly and openly in front of Julia and she did not feel at home.   

In a scene shortly following, the two women are in a living room together.  The one woman, played by Zooey Doeschnal, is offering food and talking a great deal.  Again, the other woman looks very uncomfortable, while Zooey’s character seems relatively comfortable and excited about something.  The mood changes when a man enters the room.  The woman looks less uncomfortable and gets up to greet the man.  She drops a blanket on Zooey’s character and gives her cupcake to the man.  She looks upset and leaves the room.   Zooey’s character seems to confront the male character; she gets very close to his face and her eyebrows narrow. 

After viewing this scene with the sound on, I realized that Zooey’s character, Jess, was trying to ask Julia for legal help and Julia insulted her by eluding to the fact that she believed she was childish.  Jess now feels that Julia does not like her and confronted Julia’s boyfriend, Nick, about it. 

It seems to me that Zooey’s character is friends with the three men involved in this show.  This friendship seems to be causing friction between one of the male characters and, what appears to be, his girlfriend.  It also seems to me that Zooey and this woman do not particularly like one another, and there seems to be sexual tension between Zooey and the woman’s boyfriend.   I assume that they may have had a relationship in the past, as every time he enters a room the women that spend time with Zooey’s character seem to be angry. 

After watching the program with the sound on, it became clear that Jess lives with the three men from the beginning of the episode and is very close with them.  She often gives advice and is a little quirky.  There isn’t sexual tension, just the love of friends; which I misinterpreted.  In addition, the women that are friends with Jess are simply being protective of her because she is sweet and a little misunderstood.

I feel that if I’d watched this show regularly, I would already understand the connections between the characters and would therefore, have been able to have more precise assumptions about their relationships and communications.  In addition, after watching a show frequently, it becomes easy to predict what is going on in a conversation without having to listen to it, just as you could in real life situations.  For example, if a child and parent are speaking out of hearing range, and you observe their nonverbal cues, it is much easier to understand what may be going on if you know the family well and have been interacting with them on a regular basis. 

This exercise was an interesting take on communication and provided me with new insight.  You cannot base your perceptions of a particular situation only on the nonverbal communication skills of its participants.  Specifically, if you are not familiar with those involved.  It also reminded me of times within my current classroom that I have assumed my teenage students were having inappropriate conversations based on their body language, only to find that they were speaking about their assignments.

Here’s the link to the episode I watched.  The show is actually pretty funny!  I recommend it.  (I watched three episodes!) J

http://www.hulu.com/watch/324384/new-girl-jess-and-julia#s-p1-so-i0

What is Communication?

            We deal with communications with others daily; family members, professionals, strangers, children, etc.  We can have pleasant experiences with these individuals, or they can be highly unpleasant.   I believe that someone who is able to communicate effectively speaks clearly and slowly; giving them the opportunity to think about what they are going to say and the effects their statements may have on those they are speaking with.  In addition, good communicators are not only good speakers, but good listeners; they focus on what the other person has to say as well and responds to their point of view in a manner that is honest and respectful.  Lastly, I feel that good communication has a great deal to do with tone and body language.  A person with good communication skills will not allow their personal biases and opinions to show through their tone and mannerisms; they will be hyperaware of how they react to statements.

I have many people in my life with the ability to communicate effectively.  However, the person that sticks out the most in my mind is my father.  Although my father and I may not always see eye to eye, I never feel as though my opinion is unheard when speaking with him.  He takes the time to listen to what others are saying and is careful with his expression when he is in a discussion.  He does not roll his eyes or interrupt.  In addition, when he is in disagreement with someone, he always is respectful with his rebuttal.  He never diminishes another person’s perspective or tells them that they are “wrong.”  He will simply state that he disagrees and always offers support for his opinion, which I also believe is a characteristic of good communication skills.

I worked for my father for several years and have never really seen him lose his temper.  He was the manager of a hardware store/lumberyard and often worked with impatient contractors.  I remember watching my father deal with a screaming contractor one day and marveling at his ability to keep his cool.  He was patient and did not react to the irrational behavior of the contractor.  In addition, he responded with agreeable solutions to the problem the contractor was having and did not engage in the yelling.  I was so impressed with my father that day. 

I would like to model my own communication behaviors after my father.  I often think about how my dad would react when I’m in a stressful situation at work. I also enjoy talking with him when I’m having a hard time.  He has a very calm demeanor and is able to help me relax and see a different perspective if I’m being irrational, without making me feel “stupid” or “crazy” for my reactions.  In addition, my father is not forceful with his opinions and does not state them when he is not asked.  Therefore, when he says something, people are more prone to listen and take in what he has to say.  I would love to be an effective communicator like my father.